the NTU ASEAN undergrad has offered me a scholarship!!! oh man.

i hav been waiting for this piece of news for so so long. checking mails at every 10 mins intervals. im so lucky!!

tmr i quit liao, i haven got ard time to check out on the cars, anyway, there is a new MYVI that is quite nice and comes in apple green!!!!!! i think cars that are apple green are nice but i want a MANUAL cars, i think its bloody cool to drive manual rather than like auto. heard driving auto cars like playing with toy like that. whaaha, then i will look like a pro. like those racer! i cant wait for the jay chou racing movie. then i can imitate him. well if i can find that freak car! wahahaha.

damn, NTU ASEAN haven gimme a reply yet. c'mon just give it to me and i wil make up my mind liao, didnt you want me? haiz. NUS is really losing its appeal as ynay said. wahaha, that comforts me a little if im not gg NUS.. erms... unless i wana do med, pharmacy, law, archi if not its not worth it to go NUS? sth i heard la.. hehe, then tt day i went NUS i also din rly like the pp there. all v dao de......

DAMNED, i accidently clicked published n all that i have typed is lost.

archi?? accoutancy??

this is torture okay. i haven have a clue yet to what i want to do. anw, thks to all who have beem taggin me and giving me ALL forms of advice and help! thks dearies.

i had an NTU ASEAN interview at NTU this fateful fri. it went well, i spend ard 40 minutes debating on the prospects on architecture and if i would like architecture. wonder if they are impressed or not. i rly rly hope i would take the scholarship and lessen the burden on my parents, who knows if my younger sisters perform even badly? wellwell, they are nice n kept on asking me to "press the button" (i.e. the acceptance button, i was blurred when they asked me so.. ) but i distinctly heard a faint "welcome to NTU" by the guy on my right hand side so does that mean that i stand a chance? oh wells..

actually i am kinda scared n unwilling to take up the challenges posed by the architectuarial courses. and most of all, the prospects is NOT GOOD! what will i be in the future if i couldnt do my masters? drawing pp on orchard for a piece at S$10? well, i dont have that courage i think.

i still have up to 6th to decide but erms.

one piece of gd news! im gg to quit nxt tues!

another one! mom is buying me a car. a kancil would satisfy me! i may even get a chance to drive in spore! oh wells ;) *beams* but e car would probably accompany my sis up KL, so i would hafta drive as much as i could before it leave me. emmm.

i got a whole lot to say but i guess i will blog abt it later, its such a long post le.. thks for reading! wahaha

impt thg to note abt sch fees!

http://www.nus.edu.sg/oam/assist/monthly.htm

http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/info/financialaid/loans.htm

http://www.nus.edu.sg/registrar/undergraduate/fees.htm

http://sam11.moe.gov.sg/tass/menu/faq.doc****impt**

oh man, their websites are so not updated. time is running out. how do i send sth to nus when i haven receive their package yet? oh man, i am so gg to NUS. i dont know. oh damn. thanks Meimei, i couldnt tag you but hey, no one wil be there for me at archi. oh man...

i passed my driving test. n yuck i hate KFC.

personal preferences.

oh sucks.. should i go ntu or nus?

dilemma.. ARCHITECTURE or ACCOUNTANCY

sian-ed both courses sounds hard enuff for me. and i am having driving test tmr.. wish me gdluck yea.

this wkend is torturous lah, sat work halfday, aftnn go fetch sister from larkin terminal cos she back from KL and caught a 3 hr slp in e evening. dinner was kewl.. hehe. a v v nice meal!!!

sun woke up late cos of certain reasons, well, i woke up earlier before den met up w e ny gang again at city square, tried so many levi's jeans but none up to my standard. den go padini, fos, blahblah, its so crowded w pp. people mountain people sea ahh. so many sporeans also. i got so freaked out and sian-ed so no shopping. sat down eat drink den DANCE! its so cool~~ hehe.. well, i think i aint that great at dancing too..
den aft tt i went plaza pelangi and i met cyndi wang xin ling lahh. okay, i hate her, cos of her i missed my mom who was supposed to fetch me man. shit her la, and her attitude sucks. pls no acting cute, hate pp who acts cute.

today, woke up at 7 to wait for uncle he arrives at 9!! bldy late. den learn learn learn driving till i dying. den go hm haf lunch... rest abit den go out buy slpin bag for sis. den grandma and my aunt come visit. den hafta entertain lo. sent my sis to larkin to go back KL den brought my aunt and grandma to plaza pelangi. buy books for youngest sis and den go EAT! vvvv nice, its stones grill okay. bloody kewl. den sent grandma to larkin for her bus back and send aunt to msia customs. she is returning to spore! she works at HYATT okay! well, i asked her abt e banquet price alrdy, its only 5 per hr okay, she said its standard liao. so cheapo lo -___-"

den now here i am. watching desperate housewives later, forgot to catch it last wk. gona bathe too. sweating so much.

well, i think i am a highly irritating person who gets irritated easily too. hmm. things work both ways yea? blardy.

You Are 50% Extrovert, 50% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved Like most people, you enjoy being social But you also value the time you have alone You have struck a good balance!

its a wonder that they can conclude sth abt u in a matter of a few clicks.

you know what?
my hopes are dashed
now the whole world is rejoicing
yet i am weeping
in my little own world.
haixx.
lend me a helping hand will ya?
life is so tormenting.
this is when i rly know
the harshness of reality.

who wants to grow up?
when we are young we sure do
makeups, high heels
but i don't want that ever more
just let me remain who i was
and i will be bountifully grateful
will you ever know what i think
what i feel?

you will never.
unless you ever experience a time
when your hopes are all dashed
and pp adding oil to the fire

how extravagant is it?
i cannot imagine.
i am the fallen queen...

nice quotes that soothe my mind

"My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let
them depart from your sight; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are
life to those who find them and health to all their body." --Proverbs 4:20-22

...." For My
thoughts are not your thoughts neither are you ways My ways. As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your
ways and My thoughts than your thoughts" ~ Isaiah 55:8,9~.....

SHYLAH

is this a nice name? go to see many other baby names.. wahaha, i wana adopt a baby gurl.
okay Shylah means: loyal to god, strong and the name is derived from Celtic. wahaha, okay i wan the name to myself...

y is God puttin me in such situation? If this is something He wants for me, I don't see the point. countless prayers went wasted. Does He love me? i know you guys out there will certainly say 'yes' but i feel nothing. okay. don't tell me how to be a good God's girl. to defy my parents? haiz.

i am crushed. haiz. no words can describe my situation now,

but in whatever situations, praying is still something that soothes me.

i duno what i am typing. sian ahhh. forgive me...

i feel like slapping someone. *slaps*
stop irritating me
stop getting on my nerves
stop getting me jealous
stop all the fuck
okay!?!?!
i am dying
dying from all these
freaks!!!! just wana getaway
where? noone wans me
noone cares
noone ever gives a fuck
just some irritating behavior
so STOP
getting on my nerves!

i think i should stop online shopping. didnt know i am so covetous. shit man. i am bidding things i dunwan and at a stupid bid. stooopid. i am an idiotic buyer.. :( how ahh! escape bid ahh?

missus Jill Stuart

hahaha, yesterday went out with yun, chun, yen and ynay. surprisingly, i am e one who is earliest, den yun came n she tapped nmy back from behind. when i turned, both of us got a shock!! cos we are wearing totally e same shirt!! omg!. after tt yen saw n laughed at us, she said she thinks ynay has e same shirt too.. haha, den miss ynay joined us late n she has e exact same shirt too!!! OMG!!! haha, we r like, FOS is so big den e blouse have so many colours n 3 of us bot e same one from e same shop and e same colour sommore but different times. -_-" but this doesnt happen once. just like when kay n yun n me bot our phones, i bot different time from em but we got consecutive numbers lohh. so qiao!!

after tt, e dance was alright, kinda weird, duno wad song they dance it to also. but next door they dancing mtv dance! Jolin's UpUP song,haha.den i haf a disastrous trip after e whole thingy ended. went n bot cake for dearie sis! happy bdae fang!! den hor, me mum n me haf some miscommunication so she didnt pick me up.. but i finally reached hm at 8. den celebrated fang's bdae, den hafta send feng, my other sis to spore. n there was this bldy JAM! i was like y the S plate pp love coming in so much? den cut queues, speed, throw rubbish, things they cant do in their country.. sian ah, den rich hm at 12 midnite.... X(

before tt hor, uncle pangseh me leh, supposed to reach at 8am, i waited till 9 then call him. he said he forgot to call me, he wanted to postpone it till late afternoon. sian ahhh. make me wake up so early, intended to watch movie ah,but sister having exams, cant go out n shit man. cant watch tv also. gona die liao......

life is just boring n nothing much gg on... all the jill stuart blouse!

rly annoyed by everything, if dad doesnt get streamyx then i think i will die ahh. internet sucks. taking so long time to load anything. n kept not receiving msges on MSN.fuck! yah, still not i a gd mood, plain pmsing lahhh. was watching beautiful illustrations. haha, love all the actors inside ah, regret din started watching earlier.

sian. tmr 8am meeting uncle, lets see what my situation will be then. seriously lack of sleep.... zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

i realised that i just having a grumpy personality. i guess i am just not gd at being friends. i pissed the whole world off. i feel so useless let kangwei to be so annoyed w me lo. cos she has never been like that to me. she is e one who used to take a lot of effort to maintain contact w me even when i am in msia. she dun bother abt e sms fees to msia. now, she is so annoyed that she is ignoring me la. well, i admit i am childish. cant afford to lose her. she is my bestest friend. tho we rly drifted apart cos i dun rly know wad is gg on in her life. n she doesnt know much abt mine too.. oh, i am so useless la, i am rly useless la. fuck........

sianz.zz..z. hope this get thru..... my internet sucksss. tmnet is lousy!!!

THIS IS FUCKING TRUE!!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

24th November!! is it true?

Your Birthdate: November 24

Born on the 24th, you have a greater capacity for responsibility and helping others than your may have realized. You may also become the mediator and peacemaker in inharmonious situations. Devoted to family, you tend to manage and protect. This birth date adds to the emotional nature and perhaps to the sensitivities. Affections are important to you; both the giving and the receiving.

EVENTFUL DAY

yest was an eventful day, not only in office. i had qt abit of slp, aft tt i learnt driving for almost 1 and a half hr, my leg n hands r stiff after e ride. n chun have e cheek to laugh at me cos she was beside me in her pop's car when i was driving ok!!! anyway, uncle showed me route one for e exam but i couldnt rmb it, OMG! it was totally dark on e way hm also, i am so tensed up abt driving!!!!

after tt i attended a funeral, in PONTIAN, in e end got back like at 12 midnitez!!!!!!!! i was so shagged, my mom speeded all e way n missed e turn n we overshot la, den altho we found e place i duno anyone so sit there n see my mom socialising lo.. wad else. den we speeded all e way hm n kena caught be police, ROAD BLOCK. den they ask for DUIT KOPI!!!!! so we paid lo, 50 bucks in xchange for e hassle of paying it at the police office there 150 bucks. suayyyy.

yah, den b4 all these we walked to yun's hse to visit her during lunch. damn long journey but definitely had a fun time catching up plus all the crap w chun and yun. wahaha, hope can meet yen this Sun or wad. if i can go... )X

zii just told me she might get free tix to genting leehom concert!! OMG, i wana go, i realise everytime i go concert its free!! haha, genting v fun okay, can go sing karaoke summore!! v cheap, plus play pool yadayada.

learning driving agn on sat morn 8 am.. gawd.... yawnx..........

finally i get into this, my internet sucks, probably due to the place where e internet socket is, it got burned and yeah, resulted in v slow internet connections despite everythg. no wonder i wook 1/2 an hr to load a page in e past.

okay, i was rly in guilt and was self-pitying. i duno every little thing just got into my nerves, like deciding wad to have for dinner also just piss me out so much. i duno y i am like the piece of juicy beef in the Big Mac. FUCk, i just feel like scolding it, sth to vent all my frustrations.

i cant explain this, sth surreal and inexplainable. well, same old story, dun haf to repeat myself again. well, when i think of this more, i get into a more serious situation of self-pitying. but well, i decided to let go. and talking to Simon n Lichu cheered me up. Simon is funny where Lichu gave me some hope.

for e moment, i can only promise Simon that i will not try smoking THIS week. haha, for e future, i cannot guranttee.. hahaha, i feel like smoking n doping myself so much. i need drugs, i need ecstacy i think. FUCK, i shld just exercise some self control over myself

STOp those self pitying. i wana go dive, but i cant float or thread e water for 10mins, but i think i can swim like a drowning dog for 200m in a POOL, not in the open sea, so even if i am wiling to fork 1300 out for diving, i am unlikely to make it.

just hope uncle chee stop pangseh-ing me tmr n teach me go uphill. he is so inefficient. n e sky pls dun cry for me anymore, no amt of tears could do the work okay! ((: muack, just let me conplete my drivng course n i will be happy.

off for e yummy licious Ramly burger mom got for me! bye!

better! ok, today chun n yun have their driving tests, bet they have passed. day started w a horrible wet whether, raining cats and dogs everywhere, resulting in me unable to buy my fav i wkly. awwww... cant read later! so so sad. cos i cant go giant. im definitely feeling better!! yeppie.. but cramps r still plagueing me. me is falling sick soon. nononono, letme earn finish money den fall sick la okay!! ahaha, craps, laters!!

i just barked at my dad. haha, okay, i didnt mean it.
i am just so frustrated, nowadays i am short on my breadth, i dun feel gd or happy doing everything. aiya, maybe, perhaps, only to look at shuaiges will cheer me up a little, i mean, pretty stuffs raised spirits yea?

i duno, a lot of things have been on my shoulders these days, this new blog was meant to be a nice blog which blogs all HAPPY things only, but nevertheless, my life is so dull and consistent and grey tt it only consist of nth but unhappiness. it may be unfair to say so since i just bot 2 pairs of shoes today. wadeva, i think i am gona scrimp and save n not be a covetous person. who is not a covetous person? i am infact, an extremely materialistic person, i am poor but like to 打肿脸皮充胖子。

awful awful awful, shit man, i love my life in msia tt its simple and plain n i dun haf to worry tt i am in a bad state cos i seldom meet pp. okay, i shant grumble abt e state tt supports my past 4 yrs of education and brought me much pain and sadness, of course w true friendships as an side effect. howwever, i wonder how true is the true friendship. am i suppose be always the one making effort to sustain the relationship? okay, i know sometimes i am bitter, thus mentally unsound and may sound spiteful. it is for in nature tt i am born like this, i have tried hard to mend my ways but habits die hard. okay, i discovered tt i may inherit craziness and heart attacks and thus suffer a sufferable life and die a horrible and early death. but who cares since life is so torturous and tormenting?

i used to think that only education and some childlish actions will constitute my bitterness in life, in fact it is not. a lot of things that u may nv imagine will just happen in ur life. even more dramatic than in soap operas which pp criticise for their exaggeration. oh fuck. nothing would more describes my life, my state of mind and me now. FUCK. i realised if this continue, i may be on headlines. interprete it whatever way u like. i feel like a featherless bird locked up in cage and placed in antartica, unable to find food, alone, sees noone, cold and helpless. i think i am worse than that. i am in a midst of fights. the fight in middle earth in LOTR or the recent kingdom of heaven would be much more simplistic. this is torturous and tormentous.

things cannot be voiced out can be only a BURDEn, if only one day i could get his off my heart and shoulders and continue my carefree lifestyle, i live in fear, every day. u may not understand why i am living in such a state. u will never understand. i self pity yet i embraced myself cos i know in e end i will overcome and endure all these and be the optimistic realist tt i achieve to be.

i still got loads to say but this entry is so so sad, i shld stop my sobbing. i mean this is the only way i can voice sth out, my real thots and feelings. so sorry if i have made u read such a long entry for nothing. i mean, i seldom blog REAL feelings, its too personal, yet i have no choice.

left 2 mins then bell is gona ring, so this is gona be a short short post before i resume work. today i potocoppied stuffs from 10 to 1 o'clock okay. sians.... okay typing speed v slow now. bell rang. i will update laterrrrs... tired.. tired tired

quite long nv blog le huh. cos i have been lazyy. hehe, i have always been busy..... busy for duno wad, not studying also.......

went for archi test, wad i can say is that it is quite disastrous, they kinda tricked us. saw alot of nanyang gals, din know so many of em wana be architect also, plus fuhan also.. thank God i have deborah w me, if not i will be so soso alone.. haiz....

then they bluff us international students abt e interview, they say all international students will have interview that afternoon, but so many of us including PRCs, msians, indons, Viets, gather there but none are selected for interview cos we take GCE A levels in Singapore, they interview those who didnt la.. made me stayed back n ate Macs. hate it man.. i miss shushi.. if yt is rly gona treat, i wana sakae, i pay half lahhh. i m in love w shushi man.

haha, i am damn sian these days la, alot of things happened and also alot did not. i manage to learn driving twice tho during tho long hols, elder sis is back this wk. so we have one more pp at hm.. but she just sat in front e computer stagnant. argh, i wan shopping. my shoes are all gone case, heels spoilt tt day at archi interview, den my work shoes i.e. slippers spoilt today. so survuiving on yun's unwanted bata ugly cum dirty thongs. haha, but v comfortable.. ((: enuff said. cheers to every one!

in a jovial mood today! ((: