i just barked at my dad. haha, okay, i didnt mean it.
i am just so frustrated, nowadays i am short on my breadth, i dun feel gd or happy doing everything. aiya, maybe, perhaps, only to look at shuaiges will cheer me up a little, i mean, pretty stuffs raised spirits yea?

i duno, a lot of things have been on my shoulders these days, this new blog was meant to be a nice blog which blogs all HAPPY things only, but nevertheless, my life is so dull and consistent and grey tt it only consist of nth but unhappiness. it may be unfair to say so since i just bot 2 pairs of shoes today. wadeva, i think i am gona scrimp and save n not be a covetous person. who is not a covetous person? i am infact, an extremely materialistic person, i am poor but like to 打肿脸皮充胖子。

awful awful awful, shit man, i love my life in msia tt its simple and plain n i dun haf to worry tt i am in a bad state cos i seldom meet pp. okay, i shant grumble abt e state tt supports my past 4 yrs of education and brought me much pain and sadness, of course w true friendships as an side effect. howwever, i wonder how true is the true friendship. am i suppose be always the one making effort to sustain the relationship? okay, i know sometimes i am bitter, thus mentally unsound and may sound spiteful. it is for in nature tt i am born like this, i have tried hard to mend my ways but habits die hard. okay, i discovered tt i may inherit craziness and heart attacks and thus suffer a sufferable life and die a horrible and early death. but who cares since life is so torturous and tormenting?

i used to think that only education and some childlish actions will constitute my bitterness in life, in fact it is not. a lot of things that u may nv imagine will just happen in ur life. even more dramatic than in soap operas which pp criticise for their exaggeration. oh fuck. nothing would more describes my life, my state of mind and me now. FUCK. i realised if this continue, i may be on headlines. interprete it whatever way u like. i feel like a featherless bird locked up in cage and placed in antartica, unable to find food, alone, sees noone, cold and helpless. i think i am worse than that. i am in a midst of fights. the fight in middle earth in LOTR or the recent kingdom of heaven would be much more simplistic. this is torturous and tormentous.

things cannot be voiced out can be only a BURDEn, if only one day i could get his off my heart and shoulders and continue my carefree lifestyle, i live in fear, every day. u may not understand why i am living in such a state. u will never understand. i self pity yet i embraced myself cos i know in e end i will overcome and endure all these and be the optimistic realist tt i achieve to be.

i still got loads to say but this entry is so so sad, i shld stop my sobbing. i mean this is the only way i can voice sth out, my real thots and feelings. so sorry if i have made u read such a long entry for nothing. i mean, i seldom blog REAL feelings, its too personal, yet i have no choice.