i duno y i am bloggin these despite tt im so not-feeling-well.

i need to talk to someone. however noone seems to suit this particular description of listener well. emm.. its troubling.. its mind-hogging..

i hadnt sleep for one whole day. feeling ultra depressed. y am i in e same situation again. haiz, getting away from situation A thinking of starting afresh n i end up in situation B which is similar to situation A. wad the hell~ y is God playing such a game on me. so fun. is it tt i am PMS-ing again. shits. great i feel so unappreciated by someone but somehow or rather i feel cheered when someone else actually expressed their appreciation of you out. am i just taking the other one as a substitute, or am i just also plainly impressed by him? haiz. y do i end up w conflicting emotions, conflicting feelings towards one. i shld think i have split personality haiz~

maybe i shld get away from all these crap and get hold of myself. let someone else's be in my life rather than being holed up w e old same grp of ppl. i swayed. i am not someone who hold true to her beliefs, pls look down upon me yah. i must admit that certain someones had said sth tt has made an impact in my thinking or rather mindset. such a strong word, my mind is set, however it is fragile in anchoring its situation. i am so affected by rumours. deeply affected. i shld think tt i am rly a normal n mundane person. i rly have low self confidence. cos i look on the floor when i walk. i avoid ppl's gazes cos i feel uncomfortable. yeah, i love my legs. i duno y.

maybe i shld remain who am i and continue to lead a painful life that i have led for the past 2 years. i thot i would be getting away from this whole shit but i ended up in another bigger pool of it. haiz. i hope i am mature enuf this time round to settle everything in a good-natured way. i hope my inner sinful feelings dont overcome the angel in me and lead me to wrongdoings. i may sound serious but i awfully regretted after i did somethings which cant be mended. right now i need God. humans are so cheap! they only finds God when they need a comfort zone, and now i am especially fragile. depending on any other souls are so untrustworthy. it is the circumstances tt made me so. i am not sorry for who i am today. but regretful. maybe the plain decision of coming to spore is wrong. i dont know, if not y shld i go thru such things?

my heart is tearing. its painful. oh God help me out of this situation. i miss whoever who was always there for me. i know i am not always there for u guys. but u guys were there, this time round i choose not to seek consolances in ur embraces, its time for me to grow up n face it myself, or rather w God. its a test of my faith in Him. maybe i shld go back to church soon. i miss the feeling of being safe n sound in His kingdom. nothing will harm me in tt way.